In the beginning, there was a wee skinny girl named Wendy.
Oh she was tiny all right. A mere wisp of a thing, all bony legs, bony butt, bony chin. 5'2" 98 lbs soaking wet.
Oh. Did I mention she had a belly?
She always had a belly. There were rumours that she was spawn of an alien race, but those who said so were simply confusing her with folks from the nearby town...
Okay - this is NOT me. But it could be! Even when I weighed a 100 lbs, it could be!
What to do, what to do.
Oh sure, I could do sit-ups, but I hate 'em. My treadmill is broken, but my new exercise bicycle arrives thursday, so I can exercise then with impunity, and I do some yoga, but...
In my mother's day, there was the girdle:
I can remember my poor mother getting herself into this kind of a rig every morning in the 1960s. By the 1970s, she was done with them. I wonder, statistically, how long women stick with these babies...
When I was a young woman, a girdle was a sign that you were
a) old fashioned and like your mother
b) not emancipated. MS magazine never showed girdles.
But then something funny happened, I got into my 40s and realized that sometimes I like a smooth line. Sometimes, I don't want to look like there are two pigs fighting under a blanket beneath my sweater.
Enter the SPANX.
I bought my first one 6 or 7 years ago.
I started with this one, which was totally unnecessary, as I have the thinnest thighs of anyone I know!
I then moved on to the Higher Power panty:
And the slip:
But I hates them. I know they help, though they sometimes make my belly look oddly rounded. And why do all the photos show skinny gals wearing them???
I have heard of women who double up their spanx (Gwyneth - if you are reading my blog, you know i am talking to you!) but that smacks of Scarlett and Mammy
So - today's style question(s):
Do you Spanx? Or do you prefer another brand?
Under what circumstances do you Spanx?
What does your significant other think about you spanxing?
Does anyone else struggle with their spanx in the washroom (generalities here, please!)
And yes, it is a verb now:
I spanx
You spanx
He/She Spanx
We spanx
They Spanx
The Boys/The Girls spanx
Off topic and sans spanx...
Today I rewore the pink tartan navy trousers, coupled with the jackie twin set in Sweet Pink:
I look rather precious in this photo, though in my defense, it was 6:30 am, and my son was taking my picture and I am partial to him! I might have been thinking "Damn, I wish I wore my spanx".
Good luck with this topic! I place a disclaimer on this blogpost: "all opinions shared by the author are hers and hers alone and bear no resemblance to anyone living, dead, especially ones living or dead that are more cosmpolitan than your faithful author. (OMG - am I becoming Dickens, sans the talent???)
Have a happy Wednesday and stay safe out there!
Oh she was tiny all right. A mere wisp of a thing, all bony legs, bony butt, bony chin. 5'2" 98 lbs soaking wet.
Oh. Did I mention she had a belly?
She always had a belly. There were rumours that she was spawn of an alien race, but those who said so were simply confusing her with folks from the nearby town...
Okay - this is NOT me. But it could be! Even when I weighed a 100 lbs, it could be!
What to do, what to do.
Oh sure, I could do sit-ups, but I hate 'em. My treadmill is broken, but my new exercise bicycle arrives thursday, so I can exercise then with impunity, and I do some yoga, but...
In my mother's day, there was the girdle:
I can remember my poor mother getting herself into this kind of a rig every morning in the 1960s. By the 1970s, she was done with them. I wonder, statistically, how long women stick with these babies...
When I was a young woman, a girdle was a sign that you were
a) old fashioned and like your mother
b) not emancipated. MS magazine never showed girdles.
But then something funny happened, I got into my 40s and realized that sometimes I like a smooth line. Sometimes, I don't want to look like there are two pigs fighting under a blanket beneath my sweater.
Enter the SPANX.
I bought my first one 6 or 7 years ago.
I started with this one, which was totally unnecessary, as I have the thinnest thighs of anyone I know!
I then moved on to the Higher Power panty:
And the slip:
But I hates them. I know they help, though they sometimes make my belly look oddly rounded. And why do all the photos show skinny gals wearing them???
I have heard of women who double up their spanx (Gwyneth - if you are reading my blog, you know i am talking to you!) but that smacks of Scarlett and Mammy
Do you Spanx? Or do you prefer another brand?
Under what circumstances do you Spanx?
What does your significant other think about you spanxing?
Does anyone else struggle with their spanx in the washroom (generalities here, please!)
And yes, it is a verb now:
I spanx
You spanx
He/She Spanx
We spanx
They Spanx
The Boys/The Girls spanx
Off topic and sans spanx...
Today I rewore the pink tartan navy trousers, coupled with the jackie twin set in Sweet Pink:
I look rather precious in this photo, though in my defense, it was 6:30 am, and my son was taking my picture and I am partial to him! I might have been thinking "Damn, I wish I wore my spanx".
Good luck with this topic! I place a disclaimer on this blogpost: "all opinions shared by the author are hers and hers alone and bear no resemblance to anyone living, dead, especially ones living or dead that are more cosmpolitan than your faithful author. (OMG - am I becoming Dickens, sans the talent???)
Have a happy Wednesday and stay safe out there!
Bahahahahaha! As usual, a very humorous post!
ReplyDeleteNo, I do not spanx. I think I'll go do 300 sit-ups now. :D
WMM you are truly funny!
ReplyDeleteI bought spanx once(higher power),because of all the hype and i couldnt get it off me fast enough.
You can get trapped in those suckers! and add in a couple of drinks and you are well and truly in a pickle!
DeleteOh you suit that colour.
ReplyDeleteI do 100 sit ups & 70 Russian twists 4 times a week, have done for 15 years, and I do cardio - still the belly. It's been in pics since I was 4 years old, it's my genetic pot of fat and will never ever leave me, all the women in my family have bellies and boobs, I have to just accept it now.
Yes I do Spanx, I have the first ones you showed, I only wear them whenever I'm wearing a skin tight dress that will show my pants, which I'm doing less and less now anyway, I'm moving away from tarty bodycon clothes.
Oh - you are so impressive! Okay - I will try 5 a day, and when I am doing feeling ill, will try the rest. I have to go look up what a russian twist is - I thought it must be a cocktail or a pole dancing move!
DeleteNo Spanx for me, I think they're torture.
ReplyDeleteBut you know what I learned? I had a baby a year ago, and then started excersising. I'm a lot slimmer and fitter now than before having the baby. My belly isn't all flat, but it's getting there. And the secret? Do NO situps! They don't make the tummy flat. In fact, if you've been pregnant and your abs stretched or parted (which is usual), situps will only make it worse (=even less flat tummy). What does help? Planks! Google it! They will strenghten your inner corset, give you good posture and a flatter tummy. And helpt with back ache, if you ever have that. For real.
Nop, I do a count of 100 planks 3 times a week too, I think some of us (Me, and WMM) just have our fat store there, in the same way that Kim K will never have a small butt however much she diets or exercises, I haven't even had a baby! It's nothing to with muscle tone, just hormone rich fat.
DeleteOh and the girdle, yes, I remember my mum trying to contort herself into that every day too, she would puff and pant, could you imagine wearing that all day everyday?
Okay. You are all inspiring me! I will get back on track, just in time to eat way through holidays! Planking. It sort of sounds like the exercise cousin of water boarding...
DeleteWMM: it does, I love that description of it!
Deletethe Target brand of Spanks is called Assets. I don't wear them with pants or skirts, but I have a few clingy dresses that require a smooth line. All I want is a little smoothing, not a major miracle. So instead of wrestling with the smallest size, I went up. It worked.
ReplyDeleteMy routine is so automatic by now I don't even think of it as exercise, it's just how I stretch out when I get up.
the wrestling pigs - still giggling. Although with me it would be piglets.
WFF - you are a lucky girl if they are just piglets!
DeleteLove the pig wrestling line!!
ReplyDeleteI know - but I wish it wasn't true!
DeleteI'm laughing like Rose! Oh how I hate Spanx, hates them just like you! For me it's my butt, I am flat chested 32A and tall-ish so my stomach is not my problem area FOR NOW. I've tried wearing Spanx to slim out my thighs and hips, a person could have a heart attack getting those things on and off.
ReplyDeleteAs far as stomach exercises, I have a strong core from Classical Stretch which is very ballet based. Ballerinas never do sit-ups and they have flat stomachs, uh of course they have no body fat either!
Seriously I think it's all genetics, I take after my Dad who is an athlete with that same big butt. My mother always had a giant stomach while being thin elsewhere.
Another great post, thanks for keeping us laughing!
I think I need that classical stretch DVD
DeleteCONJUGATION FOR YOUR INFORMATION. The pigs in a blanket got me too. Thanks fos the new verb. And for the record, WMM, I think everyone has a stubborn trouble spot. I would almost die for thin thighs - even when I am thin enough my chest is a crepe and you can see ribs, they taunt me, ham hock sizes larger than all else (no. 2 pencil skirts how much you cost with all those tailor visits).
ReplyDeleteI don't do Spanx but I did discover two pairs of ultra control top tights at Holts with wide waist and side panels that make even me look party dress lean. They kind of remind me of the compression panels in athletic gear, in a good way, will check brand. And they don't make you do the stall or the powder room dance.
Meant to say that outfit looks fantastic on you, but all Tabs' talk of consistent, coordinated exercise was making me sweat.
DeleteI know - who knew that a woman who hangs around the house (according to her!) in god-awful getups (according to her!) could be so displined! I am inspired!
DeleteGetFresh: You and I have the same stubborn trouble spot.
DeleteThis cracked me up! I have several pairs of Spanx. The funny thing, I bought my first pair when I was super fit and had NO tummy bulge! Of course then I thought that I needed them and my husband thought that I was crazy. I bought my second pair to wear to a wedding 3 months after I had my son. I thought that I needed them, but in all honesty I didn't. Now that I really do need to wear them, I simply refuse to. I tried on a pair recently and they felt so constructing that I ripped them off and in the process ripped them. I only wore them to special occasions and in all honesty I never saw much of a difference. I can't justify the discomfort. It's not worth it. I wear normal sheer tights and when really necessary I wear control top tights.
ReplyDeleteIf you tell me that the slip version actually works, I will buy it. That seems like a lesser evil.
I hardly drink when I wear them for fear of having to go to the bathroom more than once.
Since you asked, my husband thinks they are historical, ridiculous, unsexy and completely unnecessary. He does think its amusing to watch me put them on. Men:)
I cannot recommend the slip either. It makes me sad!
DeleteNo Spanx for me. I'm sure I could use them, but I don't dress up often enough to even have them on my radar. I think claustrophobia would cause me to freak out getting them on or off lol.
ReplyDeleteThey do make you want to rip them off in a crowded room and that isn't a good thing!
DeleteI do have couple power panties. I wear it sometime with low rise jeans and thin tees, this is when I need them the most. They don;t seem like they do that much when I look in the mirror, but I get many questions whether I lost weight and many compliments every time I wear them so I guess they do make a difference, probably because I suck in automatically when looking in the mirror but cannot keep it for the whole day. They don;t really bother me that much but of course my husband thinks they are HIDEOUS. With skirts and dresses I prefer control top tights, for me they are less restricting and work better. My mother always wears spanks, she is 74. Don't know why because she has 26" waist. She says it precisely because of the Spanks (and gridles she wore years ago) her waist is this small.
ReplyDeleteOh your mother may be on to something...
DeleteI don't wear spanx but maybe I should. I carry all my weight in my stomach (and my boobs but there are no spanx for boobs, men destroyed the original prototypes). I am sure after I have children my stomach will become Santa Claus-esque and then me and spanx will become BFFs.
ReplyDeleteOr you will be Mrs. Santa Claus. Laughed about men desttorying prototype on boobs. I have a minimizer bra, but it only works so well...
DeleteI can't stand them. My weight is carried in the middle and even when I was tiny I still had a belly. I went to a graduation for my son Jame's and I wore the one that goes up to the bra. It was outside and was so hot. The whole time I was having panic attacks. After they went across the stage I ducked into the bathroom and put them into the garbage .
ReplyDeleteYou're very funny and how about a bra post.
Oh the bra post is coming, but I will give notice as it will be the bra post of a lady about to turn 50. My beloved readers who are in their 20s and 30s may want to turn away so they don't see how it all turns out later in life!
DeleteOh YES! I absolutely do wear them! I cannot stand to feel any of the jiggly parts on my tummy and thighs moving around while I'm in a dress or skirt, so I always wear a tummy/thigh shaper and slip (not like the one you have, but just a normal half slip). Not to mention, that clothing fits and looks much better when worn over a smooth, tight surface, IMO. I have been wearing them for several years now, and really don't find them to be all that bad. Maybe you just have to let yourself get used to them?
ReplyDeleteWhen it gets cold enough here to wear stockings, then I trade out my shapers for the ones with 'control' panels. I would not think of wearing a skirt or dress without some sort of shaper (or control tights) and slip underneath it. To me, they are just part of the outfit.
I love what you are wearing in the photo you shared, WMM! You look absolutely lovely!
FFM - do you wear Spanx or another brand? perhaps I am buying the wrong ones?
DeleteAnd can I say that I knew you would wear them as you are such an elegant lady? And that is said with all sincerity and love!
DeleteWell thank you so much, WMM! I am extremely flattered! :)
DeleteThe ones I've been wearing lately are by Maidenform. However, it is time for me to replace them, so I am probably going to give Spanx a try (in the same style) so that I can compare the two.
I think in that photo, not only are you looking precious because you're partial to your son, could you also be wearing some new sparkling diamond earrings?
ReplyDeleteI need your thighs but I don't spanx.
too funny! I will trade thighs for a flat belly!
Delete