The End and a New Beginning and Love, Actually

I have a confession - I forgot to take pictures last night!  I was so busy talking that I forgot to take pictures!  This will come as no surprise to you, I bet!  I am sad about it, as it is so rare that I get all the people I love (minus a few that couldn't make it) in the same room.

What I can advise: my house looks like someone died; there are flowers everywhere!!  See below:

What I can also advise:  people appear to bring flowers AND wine and now there is a lot of wine in the house, despite a lot of it being drunk last night!

What I can finally advise: I wore fancy pants and my old disco fleur J Crew sandals.

I was over the top, dress-wise - full on Marie Antoinette meets Gayle from J Crew.  More was more.

But now that is done.  Last night was the most meaningful of the retirement fetes; this party included my friends and family, the people who supported me through it all - through the early years, the years of hard work, the years where they hardly saw me because I was working so much.  I was lucky to have them through it all and am still lucky to have them!

The thing about life is this - we rarely know the significant moments/decisions when they are happening.  It is only with time and the filter of our own perspective of what happened that we ascribe the events with significance or meaning.

But retirements/Marriages/funerals/births/milestone birthdays are different; we know something is happening.  We celebrate and acknowledge them.  Or we hide from them, depending upon our personalities.  I've hit three of those things in the last seven months; now I am ready to turn a page.

So now I embark on the new adventure; working for myself.  Ultimately, I am hoping someone will pay me for the things that I write; until then, I will cobble together lots of things to make a living and a life.  It is scary and exciting and thrilling and nauseating all at the same time!

In my old career, I was at the top of the ladder.  I understood everything about my job and how the system worked.  I do not know how to be a writer.  I am starting all over at age 50 feeling much as I did when I entered the civil service at age 26 without knowing how to write a bureaucratic sentence or do research.  But I learned.  And I will learn this too.

What I also know to be true is that if you are open and honest and truthful, if you share your love of life and your love of people, it comes back.  The people in that room last night love me.  It is always a mystery to me how we find people and make friendships, but I am grateful for everyone.

It is also a mystery to me how people show up exactly when you need them - not before, not after - exactly when you need them.  One of the folks that visits here emailed me last night with some wonderful advice about getting published and establishing myself as a writer.  I was gobsmacked by the generosity and that someone would take a moment to give me advice.  And boy do I need it!  It just seems to me that there are people, guides, who are always available to us if we are only open to them, and I try to be one for others myself.

Every day, I try to come here and come to the rest of my life with joy and kindness and hope.  And every day, that optimism is returned to me ten-fold.  You are all so kind that it is actually quite humbling to me.  Your kind remarks about my one year blogiversary really made me feel quite good yesterday, but any enjoyment you derive from popping in here is dwarfed by my own joy in getting to know people here.  I like to think of this blog as more of a maritime kitchen party - people pop in and out, tell us what's going on, give their two cents worth and head off to the next party!  And that is just how I like it!

Last night, and this blog community on an ongoing basis, made me think of the voice-over at the beginning of the movie, Love Actually.  Yes, I am just that kind of sap - I love that movie.  Yes, life is hard.  Sometimes it is easy.  Sometimes it is crazy.  Sometimes it is humbling.  But there is always someone there to give a hand or a kind thought.  I won't "out" the person who wrote me last night, but know that I am deeply touched that you would take the time to share your thoughts and experience with someone who is a complete neophyte in their newly (and it seems to me at times, insanely!) chosen profession!

So to start our day, I'm sharing what Hugh says at the beginning of the movie.  It's not a bad way to start a day, I think:

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around."

Yup - I AM just that kind of sap....

Stay safe out there!