Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Good Enough

This post was prompted by me standing in my upstairs bathroom and looking around.

Did you notice that there was some discoloration in some of the paint on the woodwork?  That the sink plumbing is not working correctly?  That my medicine chest is not orderly?  Did you?

I didn't think so.  You probably noticed the lovely blue of the tiles and towels.

see the towels?
Then there was the fact that I had completely misplaced my blackberry case and had to turn it in without the case (which will show up in some bizarre place at some other time), which made me feel like I was sooo disorganized and wasn't I the most disorganized person in the world?

And how come I haven't lost those ten pounds yet?

And then I stopped.  I remembered that I was thankful that I had 2 bathrooms.  I was thankful that I had good health and I could paint the darn bathroom myself if it bothered me so much.  So many people do not have basic sanitation.

I was thankful that in general, I can remember things and I can read and write.  So much of the world is illiterate and misplacing an item is hardly worth fussing about.

I was thankful that I was in good health and decided that my ten pounds are hanging around because they think they will miss me when they're gone.

Today, I am good enough.

There is no one to impress and no one who cares about that paint or that blackberry case or those extra pounds except for me.

The hardest thing in life, I think, is to be content.  And being content begins in your mind.  You can be content under many conditions that others would think are adverse if you can change your reaction to those conditions.

When I was stressed all the time, and unhappy, every little thing could unwind my day, frazzle me beyond all comprehension.  Everything seemed bigger than it was and nothing seemed like it should be.



Over the last six months I have thought long and hard about what it is that has changed in me.

Sure, leaving a stressful job that no longer made me happy has changed me.  Taking more "me time" has changed me.  Writing again has changed me.  But the single thing which has changed me the most is believing that I am good enough.  That my house is good enough.  That my friends are good enough.  That I can be happy with less and that I can be happy with more.  But that happiness isn't the point anyway - that being content and creating a life of joy can only be achieved when we accept ourselves and what is.

We all need the courage to create contentment in our lives.  We, intrinsically, are good enough, but sometimes our circumstances don't support us in that contentment.  Life evolves, people change, jobs that were once fun are less so.  Know that you can create that contentment and know that you DESERVE to create that contentment.

Don't get me wrong: I still love my things.  I still love when I get a new piece of clothing or plant a new plant. But those are things and that moment of contentment will pass and there will always be some new thing or new place or new fad to chase.  Most people don't remember each other's things anyway.  Those things, when I can afford them, are the cherries on the top of the cake now, as opposed to being the cake.  Who is the cake now?  I am.   And it is a pretty homey kind of cake if I do say so myself!

It has been almost 12 months since I started this blog.  I try everyday to write my truth and the world as I am living it.  Probably you wish I would put a coat of varnish on it sometimes!  You have all helped me on this road to acceptance and contentment and just like I am rooting for you when I visit your blogs, I always feel you are rooting for me here!  That is a pretty good thing and something that makes me feel content.

So just for today, remember: you are all awesome, wonderful people.  And you are each enough.  And I am so glad you popped in!


Stay safe out there


46 comments:

  1. What a thought-provoking post. I'm so glad you don't varnish your posts - I love reading your blog for its total honesty and your amazing positivity.
    You're so right. We are all good enough, and we are (most of us) very lucky to be living in safe, 1st World countries with functioning minds and bodies.

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    1. thanks Ruth. I think I need to remind myself of that some days when I am less than grateful!

      Did you wear the red skirt yesterday? Have you taken it off yet? :-)

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    2. Ruth, did you get the butterfly skirt?! If yes, enjoy the cherry on your cake.

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    3. Hey GF - she did and it looks GREAT! She kind of turned my opinion on that one!

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    4. "CCL" Just popped over to read your it's here post, hurray and glad DH has come round ;-)

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    5. Yup, GF, I got it, as you can see!
      Wendy, I didn't wear it today as I had a bit of a rushing around day. Will wear it on Thurs as I have a lunch do, and am planning to wear it at the weekend too!

      Love your tags, btw! They crack me up!

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    6. I could write "tags" for a living.... hey - is that a job????? I'm looking for a job! Ruth, I think you should live in that skirt - it just looks grand on you!

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    7. How 'bout paint colors, WMM?? Thinking those up would be a blast.

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    8. I agree - my husband always says (and NOT in a homophobic way, but in a cute way) - any job that could be done by a gay man in new york city could be done by Wendy. And he is right!

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    9. Love the tags too :)

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  2. I find that writing also is a form of getting things out of your system. I am sure you have but have you read the Artists' way? it states that you have to write three page first thing in the morning of anything that enters your stream of consciousness and then once that rubbish is out of the way then you can go and write properly bc those niggles cloud your brain. I feel that way with my blog as well - although I hardly write that much...Also, I hate being busy myself, I think it is so overrated!

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    1. Hi CSW! Funny you should say that! I have said before that this blog is my Artist's Way and helps churn out the stuff rattling in the back of my brain! I think being busy is definitely overrated! Of course, there is a world of difference between not being busy and being bored!

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    2. Being busy is very overrated. I can't wait to be be indolent this weekend!

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    3. I know ruth, it sometimes seems life outside work has become a competitive "who has most on" sport. Agree, time to get off hamster wheel.

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    4. GF and Ruth - that is SOOOO funny - we used to say stupid stuff at work constantly, like "I am so busy I can;t even think." "I am so exhausted", etc, etc, etc. And then we were exhausted. Huh...

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    5. Sorry Wendy, I didn't know I am trying to catch up with all your blog posts! :)

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    6. HA! How would you ever know and I blather soooo much, it was likely just a comment I made sometime!

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  3. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH When one of the big hospitals (Cedars, Mayo?) first started cultivating a non-medical online media presence, they did a great series of "self-help" live life better articles, Discovery network stuff etc.

    The science nugget I remember is that only 10 percent on people's feelings of happiness/ contentment can be explained by their circumstances. The rest, regardless of socio-economics, is all thoughts, behaviours, patterns and habits that we can change. (Of course this too takes mindset, commitment, and repeated practice.)

    Some of their tips for turning up the contentment level were:
    - Surrounding ourselves with like-minded people (investing in relationships vs. stuff as primary)
    - Consistently appreciating what we already have
    - Finding/ having/ celebrating a sense of purpose, however momentary
    - Doing ones best to live in and value the moment

    You hit on so many of those in a Terrific Tuesday post WMM. Bookmarking this one for the "ugh" days. (I do naturally tend to postpone things until I can make other things the elusive "perfect".)

    Trusting much contentment comes back at you from writing and posting it. And yes, you are way OK!

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    1. That was OF not on people's, but ygtp.

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    2. Ha! I never even notice the mis-typos! I agree with the research completely!

      Well here is your chuckle for the day:

      As you know, I got my new cellphone. I entered daughter's cell phone in. Yesterday afternoon I texted her:

      "Is F bringing you home?"
      response:
      "Who is this?" (I assumed she was being a smartass or didn't recognize my new number)
      Me: "Mom"
      Response: "You are not my mother"

      You guessed it - I had put the wrong number in....

      sigh....

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    3. The Economist once came up with a Happiness Index and the U.S. is not in the Top 10. I think there were several Third World countries (as classified by IMF) in there. So general wealth does not equal happiness.

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    4. WMM, I am giggling here. Hubs says all the time tech is only as good as person pushing buttons.

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    5. Marie - I have heard that - must go look it up! And GF - your hubs is right!

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  4. Thank you for this timely reminder. I used to be a worrier when I was younger but now I just let go of events I cannot control. I still plan a lot but bow I am less fussy about details. Things have a way of working out eventually. I actually like how you and your pictures are so "real", nothing stage-managed about your blog.

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    1. Thanks Marie - though to be honest, there is nothing to stage-manage in my life!

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  5. What a perfect post for today, it just seems right somehow. Thanks Wendy!

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    1. thanks Dani - I needed it after yesterday - see my story re: cellphone above! On positive note - crackfiller finsihed the 3rd family room wall so believe Barry may actually get that part painted! We keep going around that room, but it should be done by early fall!

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  6. Great topic!It was the perfect thing to hear today:)

    Have you received your banana tee yet?
    I am interested what you say about it:)

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    1. No banana tee yet - I am not hopeful, but I have been wrong about things before, so you just never know, do you????

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  7. Great post. I am going through a major change in my career and am full of fear and self doubt. I know I need to just let it go and get on with things, but it sure is hard not to constantly doubt myself! But then, screw it, I have a house, a car, my fiance, two pups, a garden, etc., etc.... nothing to worry or be upset about! Perspective!!!

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    1. JCJD You also have those wonder woman shoes ;-) So true looking at have side of balance sheet vs. have not or TBC column. Thinking of you re. career too.

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    2. JCJD - I hear you! Most days I am doing well, then now and then think: what the hell did I do, quitting lucrative job, etc, etc. and then remind myself that better days are ahead and of how much I enjoy my days now!

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  8. What a lovely post, Wendy.

    We are indeed rooting for you.

    When I found your blog, around your birthday, I read some of the archives, and now that I think about it, I really do think you sound more clear headed and "zen" than you used to. I'm glad that the changes that you've made have been so positive.

    I also appreciated your words of encouragement. Am struggling somewhat on the making contentment front at the moment, and I like what you had to say. And that's a good point about believing you deserve it - amazing how much doubts about that underlie a lot of our in-decisions and experiences. Good food for thought!

    xoxo

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    1. Thanks Abby! It is funny - I think so many folks don;t believe they deserve to be content - that it is somehow reserved for the rich, the pretty, anyone else but them! We all deserve it!

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  9. As I love economics I often think of this Milton Friedman quote “The best is the enemy of the good.” Attempts to achieve an unattainable ideal can prevent us from reaching good outcomes that are possible in practice. He was talking more about economic and policy decisions but I believe it applies to many aspects of life. The best should be pursued where possible but let's be honest with ourselves about where it is truly possible and where "good" is good enough. Chasing ideals an be tiring.

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    1. xoxo - I love that quote and I used to use it a lot at my job with folks who would torture themselves to get it right!

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  10. Love! love! love! this post WMM. Being smacked with the gratitude stick is such a wonderful feeling. I think contentment is like a garden- you have to keep tending to it so it grows well. Thank you so much. CC.

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    1. Hi CC! I love that phrase "being smacked with the gratitude stick" - I have to remind myself that life is not bad and there will always be folks with more and less than I am but that it was never supposed to be a race anyway!

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  11. That's a great post Wendy. I am often bogged down trying to get things just right and having a lot of Goldilocks moments. But I keep reminding myself that sometimes we do what we can and then let go. Surprisingly, this is usually enough and nobody even notices imperfection. Most of the time when i look at your pics all i see is your smile, and most of the time thats more than good enough for me.

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    1. HI AJC - it is funny, isn't it? No one typically notices our imperfections unless we point them out! I have decided to stop pointing them out! I like the term Golilocks moments - it is such an apt description! Have a great day!

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  12. WMM, you are awesome. Don't ever let yourself think otherwise!

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    1. Aw thanks Merry Wife! I think we are pretty awesome!

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  13. "I accept myself unconditionally right now" write it on a piece of paper and tell it to yourself twice a day in front of your mirror... It takes three weeks to build new habit and it will take about 28 days for yourself to accept in fact yourself... I love your blog and please don't change it... Yes you are good enough... You may also look at the new Dove campaign... Without becoming self complaisant, we should give ourselves a break and be more kind with us... I wish you well Wendy, it has been a pleasure meeting you and I love coming back.
    Take Care.
    Steph

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    1. Steph, Love that you are here, too! I am feeling very happy these days, but isn't it funny how we can doubt ourselves from time to time? Terrible stuff, that!

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  14. WMM- I am a glass half full person, and I think I enjoy your blog so much because you are too!

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  15. Truly, you are "enough". Time is great to have, isn't it? makes up for some of the $ etc.

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Kindness is a virtue...