Thursday, March 13, 2014

Living with Less in the Closet: the Love and Values Test


I have been cleaning out my closet since my return from down south. 

I was tired of my heaviest woollens and they are cleaned and stored away.  A few lightweight ones are standing by, for say, the blizzard we are having this week.  I find Mother Nature a little hard to take this winter, but I suspect that if the thermometer hits +39 again this coming summer, I may miss the glories of snow and layering...

What's left in my closet are transition pieces that will get me through until mid to late May.  What I realized as I was going through this process was that there were some things in my closet I loved, some I liked and some I was "meh" about.

If I am going to get by with less, I realized that my goal must now be to love what I have.  Everything should be a pleasure to put on.  No exceptions. 

This adds an additional level of ruthlessness to the whole proceedings.  And a word of caution. 

For cleaning out can often result in permission to go shopping for things one does love. 



This has been my blind corner in the past.  The cupboard looks bare or the things in it that are only 'meh' taunt you, calling their siren song of "replace me - you know you want to..." 

This is when one should turn one's attention to some other part of life and go crazy there instead - for me that will be writing, reading and baking - am on a scone thing right now - since shopping with an empty closet can simply mean replacing one poor or ill-fitting choice with another. 

Case in point.  Prior to my holiday, I ordered the J Crew Botanical skirt.  Loved the colour and thought this might be a fun and inexpensive spring purchase.  Here it is on our Gigi:




It fit.  I liked the print okay.  But that was the key.  I "liked" the print.  I did not "love" it when I saw it, so back it went. 

When your pennies are limited and your desire is to pull all of the items out of your closet with a sense of satisfaction, "like" is simply not enough anymore.  Plus, as we all know, something equally wonderful is ALWAYS just around the corner.  As I work to build a small and satisfying wardrobe, like cannot be a part of it.  I may never have a Janet-sized wardrobe, but I am sure heading in that direction.  Right now there are only 25 things in my closet, plus a few tshirts. 

During our trip to Florida we each had a small sum of "mad money" to spend as we liked.  I held most of mine till we went to the mall.  I wandered from store to store, admiring much, but loving little.  It seems that when we shop with a budget and with the need to absolutely love something before it can come home with us, the bar is set much higher than the usual online kanoodling!

Not only that, I now carry a little homemade card in my wallet (goofy, I know, but it works) where I have written out my values and the kinds of emotions I want to experience through the choices I make from now on. 

This is kind of personal, but since I pretty much tell you all everything, why not share this, since it may help someone else (and really, is there any other reason to blog if not to try to connect with one another?)

the values on my card say:
  • family
  • achievement
  • creativity/beauty
  • service
  • expansion/adventure
  • authenticity
  • spirituality/awakening
My emotions:
  • gratitude
  • joy
  • love
  • excitement
  • peace
  • curiosity

If I am spending more than my allocated budget, I am impacting my family, not being authentic, and certainly not finding peace.

On the other hand, if I have the money, and the item is beautiful (to me), feels like the me I want to project and makes me feel joyful, excited and a little in love, well, then I am good to go!

So most things didn't meet the card test.

Finally, in Bloomingdales, I found my love.  A lovely silk shell by Equipment, replete with flowers, to add some transitional hurrah to my wardrobe:

 




 A close-up of the print:





The silk is buttery soft and the shell looks wonderful paired with my white and red cardigans.  It is simple and fun all at the same time.

I did see another top I liked at Brooks Brothers, a jersey top with chiffon detailing and will probably order it in the next couple of months:

Black


which I want to pair with a skirt like this from Nougat London:

Beige stretch-cotton pencil skirt


I know - plain, but paired with some special pieces I already own and realizing what my life is really like (as opposed to my dream of tooting about Manhattan with Ema!), these are the kind of pieces that will get added this spring and summer.

Eventually, my closet will only have things I love in it.  But that will take time and the same patience and commitment to rigour that I used in the mall. 

As I boxed away items, I was more and more reminded that clothing is a wonderful thing, but really, how much do we really need?  And why do we feel like we need it?  And if we are forever switching it all out because we are dissatisfied (oh or because we've gained or lost weight which I had), then our choices are likely not as thoughtful as we would want them to be. 

Those are questions for the psychologists in the room, not a mere sociologist like me!

I must tell you, having less money for clothing has been one of the greatest gifts!  How's that for making lemonade out of lemons?

Now if the flowers could only bloom in real life...

Have an awesome Thursday and stay safe out there!








 

48 comments:

  1. Good for you, Wendy! Less is more especially if you LOVE all of it. Very hard to to IMHO because when the criteria is so high, you often come home empty-handed - which personally I think is a good thing. I agree with you that a bit of absolute perfection is a lot better than big drawer of MEH!

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    1. Julie - it is so true - you are forced to buy less and that is my sole objective right now and it is really working!

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  2. Hi Wendy, I love the idea of your values and emotions card - thank you for sharing that.

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    1. Hi Patricia - you are welcome! I think this would be useful for anything one was trying to be disciplined about!

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  3. I can always trust Bloomingdale's.

    At some point I imagine the "magic words" will be internalized and you won't need to take the card out. But for now, what a useful tool. I'm stuck on the weight swing stage for now, thinking of making a card for food purchases.

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    1. You are right Fred (was just saying that above to Patricia). I should put it by the fridge as well!

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  4. I don't have a card but then again I don't walk into stores like Zara etc. I haven't in months! But I think it's amazing to really consider purchases and think about the end result. I did buy a chatchke

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  5. iPad cuts me off. I bought a thingy the other day but I just know it is part of my permanent collection so I don't feel bad in the slightest!

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    1. I think when you get something that's a keeper is absolutely wonderful and you want to sing it to the rooftops!

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  6. I love your test and admire your resolve and discipline. Think I've been employing a similar test. If I don't gasp or say ooo or wow or cool it goes back. If I say that'll work or it will do more than likely it goes back. I think of the test as the Six Sigma concept of delighters.

    Pretty top and it puts a lovely smile on your face so it's an excellent purchase!

    I'm trying really hard to not be a whiner but I miss the winter, it skipped us. The birds are chirping the flowers are blooming and have been pretty much all "winter" here, they are so confused.

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    1. too funny - I loathed lean six sigma at work, but mostly because it was the flavour du jour as opposed to a sustained approach!

      god you can have the blizzard we have here this morning!

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  7. I hardly like anything, that's always been my problem, I've been amazed to watch others buy so much since I've started blogging.
    I do like this time of year, however as it's my cheapie season, where I look for cheap things that I can chuck in the washing machine, we don't have proper summers so cheap and cheerful suits this season best.

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    1. well you know what Tabs - I was the EXACT same way in that mall. Applying the LOVE test made me walk away from 99.99% of what I saw. And you are right - spring is the cheapest time of year to shop!

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  8. I felt the same way about that skirt. Ordered it and sent it back. Fit was OK but I was not getting the feeling. Was out $5 with return shipping, better than having a $60+ item not getting much wear in the closet. Been pretty good so far this year with shopping but there are also very few lovelies out there. Except your top, love it. Is it sheer and do you need a cami under with the white background?

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    1. I hate to pay the returns but so much cheaper than the alternative... My unworn things mock me and that is psychically draining! ;-) No cami required!

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  9. That is the prettiest and most spring-like top ever. What an antidote to the winter!
    Less is definitely more in the closet, I'm planning to do some further organizing this week as I added in a few items from the online sales (Brora winter clearance and a couple of beauties from JCrew). I agree beware replacing things, that has been my mistake in the past though after a big closet edit the urge to do that dies. My other mistake has been to collect clothes for my fantasy life!
    I was shopping in Toronto with Little Rascal and I didn't buy one single thing for myself, I didn't like anything. She on the other hand made out like a bandit!

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    1. Yay for L.R. making out like a bandit - she is probably still growing and needed it all!

      we are socked in with snow here today so I am working then cleaning - couldn't even get out of the driveway at this point!

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    2. Yes, I used to think when shopping for my daughter, oh, she'll only get to wear it for one season! and now I see, it's actually so nice to keep growing and empty and refill that closet every season. When you are the same size for (eek!) 30 years, you accumulate a LOT.

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    3. I wish mine would allow me to take them shopping! Seriously, they are such second hand environmentalists they won't let me buy them things. I admire them, but sometimes the results are, well, interesting.

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    4. Lane - your girls should meet my son! I used to only buy second hand when I was there age - I was always looking for funky pieces! I once bought a pale blue bonwit teller prom dress at sally anne that I paired with a leather jacket and boots!

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  10. So reinforcing to have this work for you! I've also not been shopping much, but ,oddly, the one thing I've got is from Equipment too-- a very classic navy silk shirt for more than half off ( $75!). Your top is pretty and cheery, just like you!

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    1. I had never seen equipment in real life and was impressed with the weight of the silk!

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  11. I'd seen them in Nordstrom's but was reluctant to spring for a $215. target for salad dressing! Will need to dry clean, but I'm OK with that as I wash most clothing. I wore it to a ladies dinner with white jeans already, usual messy up do and got lots of nice compliments. Your top will be special for you all summer, too.

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    1. Lane, I hand wash my Equipment blouses and they have all held up fine. Dry cleaned one once and the buttons came back damaged by the presser so I won't do that again.

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    2. Just as you would cashmere? Oh, I will try this, prayerfully.

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    3. I am so trying to avoid the cleaners for same reason!

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    4. Yes, just as I would cashmere, except that I hang rather than lay flat to dry. I press them with the iron on the coolest steam setting, or on a cool dry setting if they still have a bit of moisture in them. If you don't want to iron you could try steaming them instead. The look may not be as crisp but depending on how you wear the blouse it could be just fine.

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  12. Your silk shell is lovely. It is a much prettier print than the skirt and the shell is a more versatile piece too, given your new career and lifestyle. You can't go wrong with Equipment, the quality is superb. I have several of their silk blouses and they are real workhorses that can just as easily pair up with a suit as your most casual denim. You will have this piece for years Wendy and you will love the way it looks and feels every time you wear it.

    If you haven't ordered from Brooks Brothers before, be prepared for a shock. Unfortunately the Customs and Duty along with carrier brokerage fee can be a major hit when shipping to Canada. It's usually much cheaper to buy things stateside if you can. Calling a Canadian store to do a charge/send might be a more cost effective option.

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    1. thanks xoxo - will keep that in mind! I do hate the sticker shock and that would be especially true for something very expensive - they had the loveliest pale linen suit with ivory trim, which I have no need of this year, but just lovely!

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  13. A wallet all-about-me card… Thank you for another great idea Wendy!

    And I can't believe I missed that photo of Gene Simmons yesterday w/o commenting on that -- my husband's favorite band since he was 8 is KISS and he has gone to every concert they have ever had w/in 100 miles of where he has lived. It's crazy. Crazy annoying! But, you gotta love quirks. To an extent… We moved out of our last house when I was pregnant with our second baby b/c our only spare bedroom was designated the "KISS room" full of action figures (do not call them dolls!) and posters, and CDS and YOU NAME IT. We had to move b/c he would not give up the KISS room for the new baby. As it turns out, the new baby grew into a child who knew about 300 metal bands by the time he was five, and when asked in pre-K to list his favorite song, he wrote "Talk Dirty To Me".

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    1. OMG - that is so funny! I know that Kiss fans are rabid and Gene certainly merchandises a lot to keep them happy!

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  14. I love your outlook on life. I have a simliar one as well and I find not wanting anything clothing wise has been so freeing! I bought very little these past few months and only have been wearing what I have in my closet while donating items I never wear. The space between the hangers is so uplifting! And no, I don't plan add to the closet or drawers.

    I also returned the Botanical skirt and scarf. While I liked the print very much, I didn't care for the quality of the cotton. I know it would wrinkle too much and that fact that it was unlined kind of bothered me. The scarf was 100% poly so there was a lot of static while trying it on. No thank you! Everything went back and I didn't even give it a 2nd thought. It freeing to just be happy with what I have and feeling grateful daily.

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    1. wendy - you are so right! Whenever I really want something now, I pretty much walk away. I did order socks online from Jcrew last week. I love their socks, but the only prints in the florida store

      A question for canucks - it seems uniqlo doesn't ship to Canada? am I wrong?

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  15. I immediately thought of your berry j crew shoes when I saw your Equipment blouse. You look quite happy in it. Those shoes and other sparkly ones will definitely Wendify all "plain" outfits. Thanks for sharing your card. We do seem to put our heads down and anything to get us to look up, remember our priorities, remember our purpose, to really see and live is not goofy...pretty smart cookie.

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    1. well I can't claim full credit, got it from money girl Kate Northrup (Christianne Northrup's daughter) - has been very helpful!

      I didn't think of those berry shoes at all, but now I am!

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  16. This post came at a good time. The snow and wind means staying home and I have glared at my messy closet for a week now and this has inspired me to spend some time getting rid of winter stuff I didn't wear and moving some other items out of the day to day closet into next winter's closet. I guess it is a bit of shopping in my own closet. Love the silk shell

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    1. hi Mary - I love it too! I think I will wear it for our tea party, regardless of the temperature! I just keep being ruthless. It is painful at times, but then freeing!

      Am off to clean my house - you wouldn't believe how filthy it is!

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  17. Wendy, I LOVE your new silk top! It is so retro and fun. I want one!

    Loved this post. I have been using the "do I really LOVE this?" rule and it has helped me avoid some purchases that I probably would never have worn.

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    1. I think linking love and values is so critical. do I really want this X in my life? while some of the things I am getting rid of are from my old corporate life or due to size change, some were simply poor choices. that's money that could have been used for other things - trips, etc. I derive pleasure from dressing well, but do I need as much? I could have gotten by with a whole lot less...

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  18. I don't add anything now unless I love it, but I have things in the closet that I don't love. Still working on the clearing out! Mickey Drexler has helped me not to add new things lately, since he has allowed the changes to the J. Crew web site's sale section to stay. It is really refreshing not checking that all the time any more. Thanks Mickey!!

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    1. Cate you made me laugh! I never check the sale section now and stopping by the store helped with that too! I am continuing to be brutal! I have more things to get rid of from my summer wardrobe!

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  19. Your top is absolutely lovely Wendy. I love very much that post as it sums up so many things I think lately about clothing... And yes, less is more, I agree. Having only things you love, I am working on that... As I wrote in a previous comment (a post on this is still pending) sizing has been a recurring mistakes for me (tending to always size up...)
    I love the idea of the card...

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    1. oh steph - I always size down or just right on and then feel uncomfortable - not more! We are always on a journey aren't we?

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  20. Love that top Wendy! So pretty on you and will go with all colours in cardies i reckon! Am Inspired by this and trying very hard to do the Do YOU LOVE it? For me it also has to be good and wearable casual and comfy and then I will be so happy as will get so much use our of it. As I said in some random blog post of mine, my achilles heel is going for pattern and colour when the fit is always the most important thing is fit according to my fashiontherapy friend.

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    1. Jody - I feel like a need a fashiontherapy friend! Your friend is right though and something most of us overlook or neglect to go to the tailor for...I am feeling same way - I have to be able to imagine where and how I would wear it and then wear it (which is the joy of fewer clothes!) I am honestly hopping a plane to camp on your back deck!

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  22. I love this. I have the empty closet syndrome too (I'm awaiting a renovation that will give half my closet space to my daughter so I have an empty one just tempting me!) I love the idea of the values card! I might give that a try myself.

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