Monday, May 13, 2013

Learning to Let Go of the Need to Control or Impress

Happy Monday!

Today I am going to share one of my own personal struggles as I move into what I hope is a more peaceful way of living:  Letting things go.

I am not good at letting things go.  As some of you may remember, one of my New Years resolutions was to stop gripping the club too tightly.  That isn't always easy.

The big thing I am working on these days?  Letting my world unfold as it will.

This is not easy.  This is hard.  I have been a planner my entire life.  If you needed something organized from about 1965 onward (hey I had to learn to walk before I could really orchestrate things!), I was your girl.  I helped plan our summer vacations as a kid.  I decorated the Christmas tree.  I had a plan for everything.  And every plan had me at the controls, working very hard to get the results I wanted.

Don't get me wrong; those are good skills to have.  But controlling tendencies, coupled with over-thinking, can lead to peculiar behaviour at times.

This year, when I threw all of the puzzle pieces up in the air, trusting that everything will work out, has been the most humbling and scary year of my life.  It has also been the most invigorating and exciting.


Recently, when I saw Deepak Chopra speak,  he spoke of the Law of Detachment.  I had to look it up so I could explain his concept properly:

The Law of Detachment says that in order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it.  This doesn't mean you give up the intention to create your desire.  You don't give up the desire.  You give up your attachment to the result.  Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.

Deepak argues that as soon as you decide that you want something to happen in a certain way, you close the door on all of the other possible ways that that thing could happen.  For Deepak, detachment is "based on the unquestioning belief in the power of Self".

So while I intend to take care of myself through my writing and other more creative pursuits, I have no idea how that will all happen.  I am just believing that it WILL happen, or something even better.  This is a leap of faith based on the belief that I am a creative, interesting person that someone, somehow will want to take a chance on.

I recently faltered in this concept of letting go with respect to this very blog.  Since I was suddenly seeing myself as writing and creating, I thought I ought to work harder to make this blog sexier (I know, as if it could be ANY sexier!).  I wasn't making the changes because I wanted to make it look neater, I was making the changes because I wanted to appear more competent blog-wise than perhaps I actually am.  And you know what?  It didn't seem authentic to me.  So from now on, if I am tinkering here it is because I may really love chartreuse more than sky blue (oh that's a lie, I will always prefer sky blue to chartreuse!) not because I think I should try harder to impress you all or to get more followers.  So I will just continue to write what's in my head and in my heart, unfiltered, and be glad of whomever stops by and gives me a hearty halloo!  Because whoever stops in to say hello was supposed to stop in.  And I will always choose to share the personal with the belief that if I am writing something that even one person likes or finds solace in it, I am doing the right thing!

Gosh, I am so glad to get that off my chest!  You didn't know it, but I did, and I was finding it hard to be truly authentic if I was worried about that stuff.  And yes, I am completely detached from how it is received! :-)

detach

Any of the rest of you having difficulty not trying to control the universe today?

Stay safe out there?

33 comments:

  1. Wendy, you are totally speaking to my current thoughts. I recently struck up a very meaningful conversation with a reader of my little, insignificant blog (nothing like this one, which oozes sexiness) and it has really changed my outlook. I am not blogging for money, and I don't have a huge following and sometimes I am too busy. But every so often, out of the blue, a message, a comment or some words of encouragement remind me that success can be measured with my own yardstick, and that these meaningful communicatons are really at the crux of letting go.

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    1. Hi Anthro Blogger! I hear you - it is funny - I don't mind being polished, I just only want to genuine from now on in life! And I love your blog - I think you are right - we can only measures our lives by our own yardstick and definition of success. Thanks for the kinds words!

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  2. WE all think your blog is sex on legs.

    You're a true writer, I read this and yesterday's post which was so beautifully expressed, I have no desire to write anything now, I'm going to slow my blog down more and more come June and pop in the odd time rather than feeling I have to post every week.

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    1. Tabs - Sex on Legs? I howled over that one! I think you are right to slow your blog down if you are not having the desire to write; it is hard to do this at times, isn't it? I just realized all of a sudden I was trying to impress, which is exactly what I do not want to do. I am just me, and those who like it here will return and those who do not will not and I am quite comfortable with that now. As Sammy Davis Jr. sang so eloquently (!)i gotta be me!

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  3. I agree with the above comments. Your blog is real and engaging and sexy as hell! I love reading the few blogs that I've found since joining the blogging world recently.
    It's great to have a glimpse into a real life, and feel a connection with strangers all over the world.

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    1. i agree - my favourite part of the blog world is all of the people you meet that you would never find any other way!

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  4. Yep, I'm a planner. I am also goal oriented. Ok, sometimes I'm a dictator. I am a dreamer. Your blog is open, honest, and true...pretty authentic I would say. I come for the message. It's about love for me...not sex.

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    1. Heehee! It isn't about the sex for me either!

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  5. I love your blog as it is. It's like checking in on a fun girlfriend daily. Your voice is true and you do have a talented way with words that in literary terms, hooks the audience. Thank you for finding the time to keep it up and always respond no matter how inane my comments are. I wish I have the time to comment on all the blogs I read and admire. These are the ladies who comment here, too, so just a shout out to Dani, Tabitha, Ema, Xoxo, Ruth, Fred .... thank you for the slice of life you share regularly.

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    1. thanks Marie - I agree - this works better for me when it is is 100% me, no additives! And I love the ladies you have listed above - they are awesome, as are all of the blogs i visit and everyone else who pops in!

      I will say one thing - I have good manners - would never NOT respond to someone who writes!

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  6. I am not trying to control the universe so much as I am trying to make sure it doesn't totally spin out of control :) I guess maybe that's the same thing! I'm controlling about some things and not at all about others, it's an odd mix. As for your blog, just keep being you and all will be well! You don't come off as trying to impress. It's fine to try new things and find out they are not your style. I think most of us do that and I see it as just trying something new, not inauthentic at all. Your blog is great, keep on truckin'! :)

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    1. thanks Cate! My God - I haven't heard the phrase "Keep on Truckin'" for awhile! Love it!

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    2. Ha I am a child of the 70s.

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  7. OWN SELF Well, you have Nigel, George and Anne-girl smarts, that's definitely sexy. Plus doesn't gardening chat make you earthy to boot? Think so!

    Seriously, you know I think all you "slice of life" bloggers are incredibly brave and generous to spend the time and creativity to put it out there. It's been intriguing to watch this blog evolve since not too long after you started. Like cate, I think it's good to try new things and experiment in this space, as long as it's focused on what you care about and is engaging for you. The confab you have going on daily is proof of that. And if it makes you happy (not doing what you think you should or are supposed to), the rest will follow. As another child of the 1970s, "Catch my drift?"

    Check you later...

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    1. Oh too funny! you and Cate are dyno-mite!

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  8. You are impressive so no need to try.

    Letting go: I am reminded of the scene in "Out of Africa" in which the forces of nature are clearly going to prevail and Karin Blixen's servant says" This water lives in Mombasa"; she lets it go where it will.

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    1. AGree completely and I forgot about that scene. I do love that movie!

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    2. I think I need a sign that says, "This Water..." Letting go graciously/ gracefully is definitely not easy at times.

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    3. Seriously weepy movie all the way through.

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  9. Hi WMM, I'm a bit of a control freak too (ask my kids!) and I'm also trying to let go a bit. I also like how your blog has evolved - when did you even start it? I can't remember a time when I didn't check in. By the way, I'm not commenting as much these days, but I do read - trying to wean myself off the computer a bit, it's such a rabbit hole! |

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    1. Patricia - I am the same way - I have myself limited to only 2 or 3 times a day! It can suck you in and never let you go! Especially when there are so many interesting things to look at! I started it the end of June of last year. Amazing how times flies!

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  10. I would be a lot less anxious if I was in control of everything! Trying to let go is a constant battle for me too, I hear ya Wendy.
    Your blog is completely authentic, that's why it is great. I absolutely look forward to it every morning!

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    1. thanks Dani! I really appreciate the sentiment coming from you, who has such a wonderful, special blog!

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  11. I love to be in control and no way am I ready to give that up just yet. I feel like my life and my career are still very much in the "development" stage and require my utmost attention. That's not to say that I have to control every single detail, only most of them where they affect me! LOL

    I love it though and people look to me in that way, at least that's what they tell me. Maybe they are just being nice. I think letting go feels good only if you are ready to let go and there is someone else to take control or it is somewhere that control is not required.

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    1. xoxo - I think you are right - where you are right now, you definitely need to control and get things on track for you. At 50, I am looking to do that less and enjoy the ride a bit more!

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  12. LOL Tabs! She said it! I like the simpler look.

    Isn't it nicer to let go and enjoy yourself?

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    1. Rose - I LOVE letting go and enjoying myself!!! Best thing EVER

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  13. You, my dear, are amazing!!!!! I LOVE this post (heck, I love all of your posts). But, I really love this point: "Because whoever stops in to say hello was supposed to stop in. And I will always choose to share the personal with the belief that if I am writing something that even one person likes or finds solace in it, I am doing the right thing!"

    I think that it's SO important to blog/write about what makes YOU/US happy. And, as you've said so well, the people who are meant to share/engage with you will do so. You rock, that is all.

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    1. thanks Rynetta - I know how busy you are putting the "baby to bed", so I really appreciate you stopping to say such nice things!!!

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  14. Well it was obviously meant for to stop by here and find you! :)

    This was incredibly interesting. I'm not a planer or controller but I have decided to let things unfold as they will. I have found most things work out better that way. I'm much happier now. Hope you are too.


    I can't wait to read your older posts...and I love the title of your blog.

    Sarah

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    1. Hi Sarah - many thanks for stopping by! You are right - letting some control can be quite liberating, can't it? And I love the title of my blog, too, though that is because I love the Anne Series so much!

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  15. Your blog is wonderful and speaks for itself. It's been interesting to observe the cosmetic changes but please don't ever lose your true "voice". That's we're all here!

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    1. Thanks Magistra - that is really kind!

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Kindness is a virtue...