Sunday, August 18, 2013

Sunday - Thinking about Friendship

Well we have had the most social of weekends - dinner with friends both Friday and Saturday night, both filled with lots of laughter and good discussion and silly stuff.  I always consider myself lucky to have all of the friends that I have in life and find that they become increasingly important as I age.  I think when our children are young we are so busy and we struggle to see as much of our friends as we would like.    Now, as my children are transitioning out of the house, we are suddenly able to be much more social and it is a lot of fun.

Like you, we have disparate groups of friends, although there is a core group of people that we see the most and who know us best.  They are the people that have seen you dancing badly to disco or "accidentally" slipping out of your chair...And they still invite you back.... 

you'd be surprised to learn that not everyone wants this at their party....

It is odd when the various groups overlap at "events", but it can be fun, too.

However, what I love is that you make friends throughout your life.  One of my old work buddies recently retired and I hope to be able to spend more time with her and her husband as they are so much fun.  I have also made some new friends in the last couple of years who have become very dear to me. 

One thing I am increasingly conscious of is the need to be absolutely authentic in my friendships.  I love all of my friends and I find them all infinitely fascinating and kind.  They have been a real source of strength for me over the years, especially during the last year when my father was dying and I decided to leave my job to pursue my dream of being a writer. 

I used to be sometimes shy to show "all" of me.  I don't know why that is, and I think that people who know me here and in the flesh (God - what is a better term to differentiate blog friends from local friends?) would be surprised by that, but it is true. 

I am goofy and smart and sentimental and I can be kind of odd.  I was always embarrassed to tell people that I didn't love my job because it was a good job and I felt it made me seem ungrateful.  I was always embarrassed to tell people I wanted to be a writer because it sounded both airy-fairy and kind of pretentious to me.  But that was my problem, never theirs, as I have not received anything but love and support from my friends. 

Plus, you know what?  Here is the truth - only you are that invested in your life (maybe your spouse is - though even then, I don't think Barry is wondering how to hide my muffin top).  Most people just want their friends to be happy.  I know that's all I want.  I don't care how they make a living, I don't care what they dress like, I don't care about their house or their car or anything except inasmuch as whatever they surround themselves by and immerse themselves in makes them Happy.  So why I would imagine that others would care about my choices is beyond me.  My own insecurities, I guess.

It took my a while to tell my friends about this blog, because I felt quite shy about telling people that I natter on and on about life, my perspective (or lack thereof!) on everything, and am not expecting anything from this venture except the opportunity to get it all out and find more like-minded individuals.  When I started this blog, it was to unlock the creative part of myself again.  But somewhere along the way, I realized it was really about finding new friends and forms of communications.  What a wonderful gift, and so unexpected!


what a really good friend provides you with....


I think it is critically important to one's mental health to have friends with whom we can be truly and freely ourselves.  I don't think there is a formula for making friends, but if there is it must be composed in part of being able to give of yourself.  Your time, your skills, your perspective, and ideally, you feed them.  I love it when my friends feed me.  I love to feed my friends.  There is something so joyful about all sitting around a table and talking and eating and passing the wine!

So on this fine Sunday, I raise my glass to friendship in all of its guises.  Thank god we continue to find our Tribe throughout this life - each new friend is like a gift, our old friends are our heirlooms, and I look forward to finding the gems who are out there looking for me.  Cheers!!!!

******************

Carpet update!

I can say that the spot cleaner was okay, but what turned the tide was the white wine, club soda method!  Thanks Louise and thanks to the rest of you - I definitely need some Oxyclean in my arsenal.  The only sad moment was using Sauvignon Blanc to douse the red wine...


Indy at the scene of the crime - biggest stain is to left as you walk in the door



Not bad, huh?  Smells a bit like there was a party in there and I guess there was.....


It is going to be a hot day today.  Am hoping to go for an early walk and then read out by the pool.  Hard life.  I hope you all have a wonderful day - stay safe out there!

32 comments:

  1. beautifully written! I was told ages ago that you stop making friends at 30...I am glad that was disproved although I think i did have a few slow years of being too insular. i love having all sorts of friends. funny i have a hard time telling people about my blog as well - i waver between loud and shy. the stain removal seems a success by the way!

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    1. Hi CSW - I think we feel odd about blogs because they seem, well, kind of exhibitionist in a way, when they are really just a way to connect and get things off our chest!

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  2. I agree,it is beautiful written!
    We had dinner with a couple yesterday and celebrated beeing back in Atlanta.I had not seen my friend for 6 years and it was as we never left! Friendship is such a wonderful thing.

    I have not told anybody about my blog(yet).

    Enjoy your sunday!

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  3. Aw, thanks for being a friend. Only Emily knows about my blog and she thinks it's kinda neat. You did a terrific job on the carpet...only you will ever know it was once stained. Much love.

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    1. Me and the two women in their undies trying on the clothes! For the longest time only my kids and Barry knew - now I am out of the closet!

      and thank you for being a friend!

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  4. CIRCLE OF FRIENDS WMM, both you and Tabs B&P have done inspiring posts on important things this week - the pursuit of happiness and the value of friendship. As Edith said in Age:

    “Good conversation - there's nothing like it, is there? The air of ideas is the only air worth breathing.”

    I used to really worry that not having children, moving and working a lot were these insurmountable hurdles to friendship. But I have learned, like anything else, you need to set the fear of rejection aside, push it up the priority list and invest. And I am always thrilled to find new kindred spirits, even in some small aspect, IRL and online.

    Thanks, as always, for opening your clubhouse. And top job on that dastardly stain. As BB says, only you'll know - and it's a good story now.

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    1. Thanks GF - I think my whole life is a good story!!!

      I do agree about how you have to invest - and the energy you are sending out will come back in spades. My mother always said if you want to have friends, be a friend. And she was right!!!

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  5. What a terrific post. True friendship means accepting the differences and being non-judgmental about them. It's like the chemical reaction produced by your white wine to help offset the effects of the red wine. Opposites can have wonderful outcomes!


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    1. Oh Marie - that is so deep!!! love it!

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  6. None of my friends know about my blog. And even still, I'm not brave enough to put all of me out there. Private or insecure? Probably a bit of both with heavier tendency towards the later. Nice post Wendy. You always make me think. Always.
    Have a relaxing time by the pool!

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    1. BTW...you shouldn't be surprised to learn that I would love to have you at my party!

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    2. well I would be at your party with bells on. I think a blog is an anonymous public thing in a funny way. In the end, I decided I was going through so much and it was helping that I just started to let it all hang out, warts and all. The insecurity is hard - I find that about my writing as well - you create a whole world and then you hope people love it. What I am discovering more and more, almost to such an extent that it is a snowball in my life, that if you are doing something for pure, good reasons and not to hurt anyone of make anyone feel lesser, it all seems to come right back at you in weird and wonderful ways!

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  7. True friendship is really a gift. I have a huge amount of friends scattered all over the world, and I don't get to see them often. But I have also made some terrific friendships online that I absolutely cherish. I reckon you have too! ;)
    You have quite the fan base here, and I'm really grateful for your honesty. Your journey and perspective has helped me (and still does) navigate some challenges I have had in my journey as a writer so thank you!

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    1. thanks AB - in this case it could be the blind leading the kind, but I'll take it! I do think if you really share your truth, people tend to respond well. I do leave a few things behind the curtain, but truthfully, if you popped in for a glass of wine tonight - wish you could - you would find it pretty much the same. One of my best friends who reads the blog says it is like reading me talk. (it may be more restful...)

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    2. WMM, that is what I am so drawn to you! You are simply so genuine and generous in sharing your emotions. I'd love to stop in for a glass of wine and hear you talk. I feel that in many ways it would be like hearing the voice of "reason", or rather the spontaneous reason I am missing with my rational irrational approach to things these days!

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    3. Or I like a filter (I have been told that!)

      I don't know if I have the voice of reason so much as I am the voice of hope - for me and the rest of my friends. I honestly think if I can do these crazy-ass things, anyone can! Then I worry I might swimming in the deep end without the proper floatation device, if you get my drift...

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    4. That's it, hope! And that is what I have been desperately missing at times when I tackle really big projects in my personal and professional facets. I think you have an incredible self-awareness that I'd be hard pressed to find among most of the people I know. You are a blessing, Wendy *fangirl rant over* :-)

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  8. Thanks for this wonderful post, Wendy! I agree, I never expected blogging would open up a whole new way of meeting new people and making new friends. I am super introverted so I don't have a huge circle of friends, just a small group. As I get older, I have found it harder and harder to make new friends, especially after having my kids, both of whom are still under the age of 5. Being laid off and trying to make a 180-degree career change has been even more isolating. I am really grateful to have met so many wonderful and like-minded people online.

    I am also really happy to hear the white wine/club soda worked so well! I can't see any stain on the carpet - only you will know what happened!

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    1. There is a tell-tale blob (barely discernible....)\
      you are right - I get so much comfort from my blog buddies!

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  9. Such a lovely post, well somehow the mister and I have ended up bereft of friends at this stage in our life, we have the odd colleague and that's it, it's just us and we are both feeling the smallness of our life. When we married our friends just didn't mix, we had very different backgrounds and we just sort of ended up on an island, one day we will lure a dog to our patch of floating styrofoam!

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    1. Ha! You are so likable Tabs that you only need put yourself out a bit and the world will gobble you up! and you have a lot of friends here!

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  10. It's been great for me to discover shared interests, lovely people, suggestions, recommendations, warnings... . I worry about some of the bloggers I visit when they're silent, it's like not hearing from a close relative for a few weeks! the time my hard drive crashed and had to go to a Data Recovery place right after my iPhone was stolen was like solitary confinement when I hadn't done anything wrong. And sometimes a post is so dead on that I find myself in total agreement but without anything sensible to say. Like now.

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    1. Fred - I hear you! I am missing Ema - though I know she is not missing me! ;-) and I have been known to email people offside to tell them I am thinking of them. Fred - I appreciate you more than you know! Next time in NYC you MUST take me to one of your great haunts!!!

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  11. Hello Wendy, a lovely post about friendship. You are very lucky to be rooted firmly in a community of friends. We are in a bit of a dry spell with friends at the moment as far as regular contact goes. Our best friends are in different towns or countries and in the town we are living in now we haven't really made any great contacts. Also - do you think men look at it differently? When I think of my husband, he puts no effort whatsoever into keep in touch with his old friends - but I know that if he met up with them again he'd have a great time. I, on the other hand, remember birthdays etc. and generally keep in touch. Luckily, good friends are passing through next weekend and we are looking forward to a great evening with them - can't wait!

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    1. Hi Patricia! I think men may be somewhat different, but I suppose it depends on the man. I do find that the older Barry gets, the more he works at it; he used to leave it to me! Years ago we lived out west and there was a period when it was just the two of us and I found it hard - so I can relate to what you are saying. I love my husband, but I need my friends, too!

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  12. WEndy, what a great post! your blog is such a joy in my life, as are the wonderful people who visit and comment!
    As you know, I'm relatively new to the world of Blogs, but I'm thrilled at the community that exists in the blogshpere. Like Fred, I worry a bit when I don't hear from people on their blogs for a while. It is a really positive thing that a bunch of diverse people from different sides of the world can find kindred spirits and forge online friendships.

    Like many above, only a couple of my non-online friends know about my blog. I've told my family and a few girlfriends who share my interest in clothes! A lot of my friends wouldn't really be interested in my inane and shallow clothes-talk, though, so I don't share it with them :-)

    Glad to hear that the carpet is now pristine!

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    1. Ruth - I love your inane and shallow clothes talk! The blogsphere is quite neat, isn't it? I guess it is the chance to find like-minded souls and my experience is that the ones I visit regularly are the ones that make me think or that I find lovely or funny! Have a great evening there!

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    2. Ruth, you've really summarized my feelings exactly. And I too love your "inane and shallow" clothes-talk!

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  13. Thanks for letting me know about your blog. Supposed to be your blog not mine but hey we didn't get it all in last night and I will forget this by tomorrow. Anxiously awaiting my style book so I can dig deeper into me. But cannot resist putting in the plug for Lumina here since your yellow comes through so well in the Creative category of style. Love when these things align even if one is more business oriented and the other more lifestyle oriented. Thanks for bringing this to me. I will love to bring this aspect to female clients for sure. I am no help at all for carpets.

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    1. Hi Mar - thanks for stopping by! You are right - your new business really is quite creative and plays a really similar role. Will be curious what you think about the book!!! As for the carpet - white wine. \everything is better with white wine it seems!

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  14. This is a wonderful post, sentiments I could have written myself if only I wrote as well as you do! I value my friends so much, many I struggle to see very often but who our dear to my heart none the less. Not one of them knows I write a blog though!

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Kindness is a virtue...