What Makes Your Heart Sing?

During my time off, I have had time to begin to ponder what my next act in life will be.

At 50, I still consider myself a spring chicken, albeit with some wobbly bits gained from a life well lived.

Ah - but am I a free-range chicken or one content to sit inside the pen?  Neither is a wrong answer, they are just different choices in life. 

One thing is abundantly clear to me: John Lennon's line in his gorgeous song Beautiful Boy is right on:  "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."  And I must confess: at times I have not been the one to make the choice, I just went with the flow, said yes (or no) without really thinking, and above all, made the safe choice.  So while I may have been a big fat chicken, I was a big fat chicken in the hen house looking at the other chickens out in the yard and thinking either one of two things:

1. Are they CRAZY????
2. How do I get to be that kind of crazy????

But I think before you know what you should be doing in life, you need to stop and think about what makes your heart sing.  What fills your soul?  What things do you do that make the time fly by in an instant and make you feel exhilarated, not depleted?  What feels like your natural self?

I think as children, we are inherently inclined to those things and people that make our heart sing.



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But then, we get busy making other plans.  And life happens. 

As you know, I have been thinking a lot about all of this, what with losing my last parent, having children about to leave home, turning 50, taking a break from a big job due to sheer exhaustion.  And for the first time in more years than I care to count, I have started to think about what I really love.  What makes my heart sing?  There is only going to be one me on this planet and I want to make it count.  But if I don't know what counts for me, how can I know what are the right choices for me?  So at 50, I have re-booted the old internal compass, and like the Wendy who could fly with a bit of fairy dust, am working hard to fix my compass to my own second star to the right.

The interesting thing is that while I am getting still and learning to really identify those loves, I am also kind of getting into Action Jackson mode!  I don't want to waste any more time on toxics.   I started to read a book the other night and realized about two chapters in that this was not going to be a book that was going to give me anything other than night terrors.  Bam!  Out it went.  The same has been happening with my wardrobe as you know.  What I watch on TV.  Who I choose to spend most of my time with.  What I look at on the internet. 

One of the interesting things that has unconciously aided me in identifying things that make my heart sing is Pinterest.  I only recently joined pinterest and I don't use it much, but it is an interesting way to only grab those things, those images, on the internet that you think are beautiful (or at least it is for me).   While you may "follow" someone else's boards, you only pin those images on your boards that you think are beautiful, that reflect your desired or preferred style, the places you would like to visit.  Your boards are comprised solely of your choices.  Even the chicken above is a chicken I chose to reflect me from hundres of pictures of chickens (I who am I kidding, there are likely 1000s of them!).  We all make choices.

So, as of February 25th, 2013, these are the things that I know for sure are making my heart sing.  The list is only beginning!

My family

My friends (local, far away, and virtual!)

Writing

I could write all day long.  I wrote "bureaucratize" for my job for many years, I have written fiction and non-fiction, even written a musical parody with one of my best friends that has been performed twice.  It wasn't until I started this blog, thinking only two people would show up (thank you Dani and Tabs) that I remembered how much I love to write.

And while this is an entirely self-published enterprise (!), it has inspired me to start to write again and has taught me that I do indeed have the discipline to sit and write every day!  And the hours pass quickly and it never seems like work.

Painting

I don't know how to do it, but this year I am working on learning and in the interim I am having a blast.  All I know is that when I am painting, despite not having a clue, I feel absolutely peaceful!  That is a good basis upon which to build I think!  Thanks Kathy, for the inspiration to keep going!  I think about the fellow outside Shakespeare and Co. in Paris, just painting away, and the joy he was having, and I want more of that in my life!

Gardening

There is nothing more peaceful for me than to be on my hands and knees weeding.  This year I plan to expand my vegetable garden, keep up better with the weeding and the dividing in spring, and learn a bit more about landscape design.  This winter, I have expanded the numbers of plants in my house and that has made me happier.  And yes, I am that person who talks incessently to all of my green things.   My God, the longer I stay home I could turn quite potty...  But never mind, it makes my heart sing...

Travel: Armchair and Otherwise

Oh sure, I love to go places.  And I dream of living in Europe for at least 2 to 3 months at some point, but i am also happy to read travel books, watch travel shows, read the history of places I have been or would like to go.

I am not a sophisticated traveller or person.  Above is a picture of my first glimpse of the Eiffel Tower.  I cried.  I pretty much cry with happiness whenever I travel somewhere nice and see things I have never seen before.  I think lots of people are like me, they just don't admit it.

I like to eat outdoors.  I like to eat and cook in general!

If there is a patio chair, I am there.  Food tastes better outdoors!

Oh and did I mention that rosé, tomato basil salad and frites would be on the menu everyday?  And at night we would have Cabernet Sauvignon and Spaghetti. 

I like old things

It will come as a shock to you that I have not a lick of modern style in my house, excepting my stainless steel appliances and two ikea bar stools, which were all I could afford at the time.  I love to read history.  I like to see old things.  I like things, inherited or not, that other people have used or loved.  When I sit at my great-grandparent's dining room set every night, I can almost feel the energy of the thousands of conversations that have taken place around it since it was built for them in 1883. 

I like to imagine what it would be like to have been there when something was built. I stared for a good half-hour at this section of Notre Dame Cathedral, imagining how many months went in to creating these amazing carvings

I like paths, nooks and crannies and the road less taken

When I was a child, my father used to sing The Bonnie Banks o' Loch Lomond to me:

Oh, ye'll tak' the high road, and I'll tak' the low road,

And I'll get to Scotland afore ye;

But me and my true love will never meet again

On the bonnie, bonnie banks o' Loch Lomond.

I always wanted to take the low road.  Give me a path any day.

Books & Music

Anytime, anywhere, especially books.  I love my music, too, but i also like to sit in silence a lot more now.



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And finally, as of February 25th, 2013, I know that Kindness makes my heart sing.

Over the last four months, everytime I have reached out my hand in need, either in person or here on this blog or offline via email, someone has grabbed my hand.  I am continually blown away by the human capacity for kindness.  Oh I know - the media would like us to think and ponder only on the human capacity for cruelty.  But even one hand reaching out to you is sometimes all you need to keep going and one kind comments can make the heart sing like a Stradivarius. 

I am reminded when I am here, reading your thoughtful comments, that every coming together of people in kind ways is another candle being lit.  I think it was Margaret Mead who said: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.


So my next act must be able to honour these things that make my heart sing in some way.  My work life in the future must leave time for these things, and the other things, either too small to mention today or just nibbling on the corner of my brain.  If my work life can incorporate some of these things, more the better.

This introspection thing is not for the faint of heart.  Each step I take, I feel like I am getting closer and closer to finding the truth of me.

How about you?  What makes your heart sing?  If you are willing to share, I would love to hear!!

Happy Monday!  And Stay Safe out there!