Getting My Attention Span Back

Happy Monday!

First - I want to say congratulations and send much love to our own Jennifer from the splendiferous blog, A Well Styled Life, who has welcomed her first grandchild, a gorgeous boy named James.  If you want to read a post that will bring a tear to your eye, get yourself over to her blog ASAP so you can see the pictures!


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Funny that this post is about attention spans and I have already been diverted twice!!!

I have been thinking about this post for a long time.

When I left my job at the end of December for Christmas Holidays, I thought I would be going back on January 7th.  I never dreamt that I would end up taking a leave and ultimately leaving that job to pursue bigger dreams.

One of the hardest transitions I experienced was going from "doing" to "being".  I had been working 60-80 hours a weeks, scuttling from email to email, phone call to phone call, from one briefing note, report or presentation to the next.  When I would finally have some down time, I always felt jittery, as if there was always something to do, some project or thing that needed my attention.  I would pick up a book only to put it down 5 minutes later.  I would click on the web for an hour mindlessly or fall asleep in front of the TV.  I couldn't seem to pay attention anymore.  I was programmed to move quickly from one thing to the next.

So when I started my leave, I was at a bit of a loss.  First and foremost, I was tired and I slept a lot, which was a good thing as I had barely slept for the three or four months' prior.  I watched movies and stayed awake for them.  I saw friends again.  I did the spring cleaning that I didn't get to in 2011 and 2012.  And I made a concerted effort to come here daily and write, because I knew I wanted to write again as my next career and truthfully, I needed practise and discipline and this was one of the few places where I was mindful and present.  And you were all here and your stories and lives became a touchstone of inspiration and community.  So yes, I have never met Jennifer in real life or Tabs, but I am confident that when I do one day it will be like meeting long lost pals. 

Maybe your lives are different than mine, but I had been rushing and 'doing' for so long I had forgotten about just hanging out.  I hadn't read for pleasure, except intermittently, for a long time, because there was always reading for work that I was behind in reading that I deemed more important.  And I guess it was more important in many ways, because the stress of getting further behind often seemed unbearable. 

But I need to tell a truth: my lack of an attention span had started LONG before I was a CEO - I believe it started when I became a mother.  I just always put my children first, my house first, everything else first, and to such an extent that I never took any time for myself.  I didn't have hobbies anymore because well, how could you have a hobby when you worked full-time, wanted to be a good mother, felt you needed to keep your house at least moderately clean, and in my case, was dealing with family obligations and a sick mother. I often felt pulled in a million directions and that I was failing at all of them.  I don't regret those years, but I do regret always putting myself last.  I have been reading Dr, Brene Brown's The Gift of Imperfection (I am doing her ecourse on the gifts of imperfection and the book is required reading) and one of the critical findings of her academic research on vulnerability (Ger - she is a social worker - yay!) is that in order to truly love others you need to truly love yourself.  Now that is a WHOLE other blog post, which I may do at a later date, but it is critical to this post on attention span, because for many years I did not practise self-love and did not take the time I needed to become calm and centered.  And my natural tendency is to be easily distracted anyway..

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Of course, I am a work in progress, but every week gets better and better.  I am working hard at my next career, but not so hard that I don't take time for coffees, that I don't take time to read, that I don't take the time to exercise and at least once a day, I just sit and do nothing, sometimes meditating while doing it, sometimes just sitting and watching the leaves fall. 

I know that I have the luxury of doing this while I work from home.  At some point, I hope to be thrown back into the fray, doing readings at schools and libraries when my books are published, responding to letters, having a strong online presence about my work.  But as I wait to be discovered I am discovering myself and practicing slowing down and taking care - when I am a world famous authoress or doing the Wendy-Barry "Fix Your House Problem!" world tour (will I go to Long Island or Scotland first?) - I will need to continue that mindfulness and self-care.  I know that some of you reading this are suffering from the same issues and my one piece of advice is this: be kind and gentle with yourself and remember that even half an hour a day is do-able, although you may need to work up to that gradually.  Or maybe all you young mothers are better than I was and if you are, well: I salute you!

Besides my writing I have focused on reading (more on that tomorrow) and I think I will take up knitting again this winter (Knityarns - I will need you!), which I think is one of the best things for getting one's attention span back.  My friend G is painting now that she has retired - the time that painting or writing or any kind of creativity takes requires a good attention span and is, I think, a form of meditation - and G keeps looking younger and younger to me.  Of course, it could be all the motorcycle rides she and her husband are able to do now!

So anybody else suffer from attention span issues?  I would love to hear about them! 

Have a great Monday and stay safe out there!