Tuesday, May 14, 2013

What would YOU do?

The topic I started off writing about this morning has been preempted by Angelina Jolie's news.

Didn't hear?  Angelina Jolie has announced that she has undergone a double mastectomy after discovering that she had a faulty gene that put her at huge risk for developing both breast cancer and ovarian cancer.

You can read the op-ed piece Angelina wrote for the New York Times here.

In the last year alone, I have had two friends battle breast cancer successfully.  The odds are so much better than they were even 10 years ago.  One of these friends chose to be genetically tested to determine what kind of cancer this was; i.e. would it be better to stick with the radiation plan that the doctors had devised, or ought she go with a more aggressive strategy that included chemotherapy.  After spending $3000 of her own money, it was clear that radiation alone would more than suffice and she is unlikely to have a recurrence.  She can afford to get that test, many women cannot.


Angelina is a mother of six and has watched her own mother die young from this horrific disease.  I can understand her decision.  I am also confident that her reconstructive surgery has been top-notch and that unless she had told us, we might never have known that she had had this operation.  What I am unsure of is whether such surgeries are fully funded here in Canada (sure some of you will know that!), including determining if there is a genetic predisposition to certain kinds of cancer.  I know for certain that testing to determine the best course of treatment is not.

I applaud Angelina for coming out and starting this discussion.  For many, she is the epitome of glamour and sex appeal.  I do not expect that to change.  But for me, her humanitarian work, coupled with her advocacy for women's health is where her real glamour lies.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this?  Have you done genetic testing?  Would you?  Can you?  As our technologies become more advanced, it is critical  that everyone has access to this kind of information. And as I said Angelina was tested because she had a a strong likelihood of a predisposition.  That strong predisposition is still thankfully rare.  But there are many cancer patients who would benefit from testing while undergoing their treatment plans.   My friend had the money for her testing.  Someone tell me that we are really close to the rest of the world just swabbing and getting that information almost instantly?  If Angelina's story can spur more of us to demand equal access to genetic testing than I think she will have done more than simply save her own life.  She may save the lives of countless others.

I love it when celebrities do good things with their celebrity.

So happy Tuesday and stay safe out there!


Monday, May 13, 2013

Learning to Let Go of the Need to Control or Impress

Happy Monday!

Today I am going to share one of my own personal struggles as I move into what I hope is a more peaceful way of living:  Letting things go.

I am not good at letting things go.  As some of you may remember, one of my New Years resolutions was to stop gripping the club too tightly.  That isn't always easy.

The big thing I am working on these days?  Letting my world unfold as it will.

This is not easy.  This is hard.  I have been a planner my entire life.  If you needed something organized from about 1965 onward (hey I had to learn to walk before I could really orchestrate things!), I was your girl.  I helped plan our summer vacations as a kid.  I decorated the Christmas tree.  I had a plan for everything.  And every plan had me at the controls, working very hard to get the results I wanted.

Don't get me wrong; those are good skills to have.  But controlling tendencies, coupled with over-thinking, can lead to peculiar behaviour at times.

This year, when I threw all of the puzzle pieces up in the air, trusting that everything will work out, has been the most humbling and scary year of my life.  It has also been the most invigorating and exciting.


Recently, when I saw Deepak Chopra speak,  he spoke of the Law of Detachment.  I had to look it up so I could explain his concept properly:

The Law of Detachment says that in order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it.  This doesn't mean you give up the intention to create your desire.  You don't give up the desire.  You give up your attachment to the result.  Deepak Chopra, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.

Deepak argues that as soon as you decide that you want something to happen in a certain way, you close the door on all of the other possible ways that that thing could happen.  For Deepak, detachment is "based on the unquestioning belief in the power of Self".

So while I intend to take care of myself through my writing and other more creative pursuits, I have no idea how that will all happen.  I am just believing that it WILL happen, or something even better.  This is a leap of faith based on the belief that I am a creative, interesting person that someone, somehow will want to take a chance on.

I recently faltered in this concept of letting go with respect to this very blog.  Since I was suddenly seeing myself as writing and creating, I thought I ought to work harder to make this blog sexier (I know, as if it could be ANY sexier!).  I wasn't making the changes because I wanted to make it look neater, I was making the changes because I wanted to appear more competent blog-wise than perhaps I actually am.  And you know what?  It didn't seem authentic to me.  So from now on, if I am tinkering here it is because I may really love chartreuse more than sky blue (oh that's a lie, I will always prefer sky blue to chartreuse!) not because I think I should try harder to impress you all or to get more followers.  So I will just continue to write what's in my head and in my heart, unfiltered, and be glad of whomever stops by and gives me a hearty halloo!  Because whoever stops in to say hello was supposed to stop in.  And I will always choose to share the personal with the belief that if I am writing something that even one person likes or finds solace in it, I am doing the right thing!

Gosh, I am so glad to get that off my chest!  You didn't know it, but I did, and I was finding it hard to be truly authentic if I was worried about that stuff.  And yes, I am completely detached from how it is received! :-)

detach

Any of the rest of you having difficulty not trying to control the universe today?

Stay safe out there?

Sunday, May 12, 2013

On Mothers

Oh Mother's Day.  You do sneak up.

Here is the thing about Mother's Day: we all start out with Mothers.  And those mothers all start out loving us  and caring for us and doing their best.  Later, we sometimes accuse them of loving us too much, but that is a whole other blog post!

I have a personal theory about most mothers, which is true only for me and my mother and for me and my children, but may reflect your lives as well:  Mothers are about the details.  They give birth  and then they can't ever let go the knowing of every detail that happens after that.  It is all fascinating to them and they can't seem to help being nosy.  They are typically (still) the ones who know every doctor's appointment, when you had your last period, what you ate for breakfast that time.  They plan it all; as my brother and sister and I used to say, our mother gave good Christmas.  And we can hurt them, but they are always there.

My mother and her brother, circa 1937

But they are not perfect.  They make mistakes and sometimes they can be cruel, because the things they say to us are given such importance by us.  And sometimes they do the cruelest thing of all - they leave us or we leave them or they have to go and die on us.  And that is the most frustrating, because they are the keepers of all childhood knowledge and you will never know why you or they did such and such when you were 5 years old.

Graduating from the university of new brunswick, 1956

My mother passed away when I was 37 years old.  I still miss her, and every time I have a piece of good news, I want to call and tell her.  She was a good mother to me and if any of you find me funny and friendly and intelligent at all, it is probably because she was so funny and friendly and intelligent.

I have been a mother since 1992.  I have never regretted the decision to have children, though it can be messy and frustrating and hard.  But when I think of my daughter and my son, I have feelings of great happiness and joy.  They will soon be leaving me to move on to their own lives.  And I will continue to ask questions that are really none of my business and sometimes, they will answer them.  Sometimes they will not.  And then, god willing, I will become a grandmother, and will be enjoy watching them be the good parents that I know they will be.

My babies, Fall, 1995

Our mothers are the first of many loves of our lives.  So while today is always a bit bittersweet for me, I will remember only the good times and the happy memories.  And hope that my children will do the same.

Much love and joy to you today!  Stay Safe out there!

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Random Saturday Musings

Where to begin?  So much to talk about!

1) the fate of the skirt

Ah the wedding cake skirt.  There were fans, and then there were folks who thought it was just okay.


Yesterday, the skirt was returned, along with the sandals.  In the end, it wasn't the hem that was the final deal-breaker.  I went back and asked myself the critical three questions: 1) do I love it? (yes) 2) was it flattering (I guess) 3) was it the image I want to project (no - in the end I thought it was too sweet for where I am heading - I know, an odd explanation from someone who just bought fancy pants!)  Thanks so much for the input!  As you know, I am on a budget and it just didn't make sense to keep it.

2) Iron Man 3 

Dear daughter and I went yesterday.  This is your proto-type summer blockbuster movie, but Robert Downey Jr. elevates the genre with his witty asides and the fact that we know that he knows that he is having a blast making a super hero movie makes it feel more interactive.  The film acknowledges last summer's Avengers movie in a smart way and if you go - stay through the 5 minutes of credits for the bonus scene at the end.


3)  Prince Harry takes Capitol Hill

Oh what is it about a bad boy?  Sure, Will will have the crown and has a lovely wife and soon-to-be-lovely baby.  Harry prefers more "exotic" experiences at this point in his life and who can blame him, him being so darn cute and all.

This week he showed up on capitol hill, and wowed them, starting first with the first lady:


Oh sure, he impressed the military families he met along the way, but it is was the female political staffers on the hill, that were as big a part of the story as Harry himself.  Armed with cellphones, and desperately trying to quell the need to scream "Harry!" over and over again a la the Beatles storming America in the early 1960s, each secretly wished he would turn their way and decide that marrying an American was just the ticket!


The one thing I know for sure: the pencil skirt is alive and well in America.  And I am pretty sure that Harry is single for another day.

4) Is There Life on Mars?

Bowie asked this question best, but it turns out that yes, there will be life on Mars soon enough.  I am slow getting to this story, but it has intrigued me since I first heard about it.


The Netherlands-based nonprofit Mars One is planning to fly teams of four astronauts to the Red Planet, with the first landing slated to occur in 2023, exactly 10 years from today (April 22), to establish a human settlement on our planetary neighbor.   

Gee, sounds exciting huh?

Except this is a one-way ticket only folks.  At this point, they haven't figure out how to get you home again.

Successful applicants will have intelligence, resourcefulness, courage, determination and skill, as well as psychological stability, said Mars One ambassador Gerard 't Hooft, a Nobel Prize-winning theoretical physicist.

Successful candidates will face 7 years of grueling training that will hopefully prepare them for all of the situations they will face and will also provide insight into whether or not they are really suited to live the rest of their lives in space.

This has caused quite a bit of dinner conversation Chez Moi.  My husband and daughter are firmly in the Star Trek camp on this - i.e. to boldly go where no one has gone before - while I am firmly in the "oh my god, even the thought of this makes me claustrophobic and depressed" camp.  Leaving behind my trees and the the ocean and all of my friends and family would make me weep.  So I will pass on the application.  I wondered whether they would get a lot of applicants, but apparently there are over 10,000 folks who have already emailed to get more background information.  What do I know?  What do you think of this endeavour?  I guess it had to happen sometime...

5) The unlikeliest of heroes

You all know the Cleveland story.  The road back for the three women and the little girl held in captivity will be long and arduous and they are in my prayers.  But the man who helped save them, Charles Ramsey, has become a bit of a folk hero, not only for the deed itself, but for his colourful retelling of it all afterwards.  If ever a man was meant to be interviewed by scores of media outlets, it was this guy.  If you like Charles, buy the tshirt (all proceeds are apparently to go to a fund to help the three women rebuild their lives)


 The Charles Ramsey tshirt. On sale tomorrow. All proceeds benefit the three young women. — with Shetoya BeautifulBlack Stewart, Ginny Firestone Wells, Kenneth Hill and Chrissy Lc Smith.


This story has been a mixture of horror, the will to live, heroics (mostly on Amanda Berry's part) and while we cried with happiness about the women finding their way home, I couldn't help but wonder what horrors lurk in the hearts of some that would want to enslave someone.  I have never been able to understand this, from the first time I read about slavery as a young child, to this past week.  There is so much good in the world, but there is some real evil, too.

but let's end with something happy, shall we?

6) When people really know you

I went to one of my first goodbye events this past week.  This one was very special; it is the branch I was director of for 7 years.  They took me to dinner, said nice things and gave me a lovely necklace and a plant.  But my favourite present was very personal to me on many levels.  The Wizard of Oz is my favourite movie - these folks knew this.  They also know that if I ever had a work family in my life, they were it.  This little plaque will have pride of place for years to come, not just because the sentiment is so good, but because of the people it represents:

Product View

There, now isn't that a nice sentiment to start your day with?

Have a wonderful Saturday and stay safe out there!






Friday, May 10, 2013

Miller Time Friday - Pants for a Sweet Tooth and a little cocktail to help it go down...

Well Friday it is and Friday it shall be.

Daughter and I are alone this weekend - son and husband are off to our nation's capital to soak in history, camaraderie and a Star Wars exhibit that opens there tomorrow.  You know what that means - some shopping, dinner out and some relaxing times for she and I, and: CHICK FLICKS!!!! We have already decided to watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding for the umpteenth time.

If a mother-daughter bonding weekend is a sweet time, it has nothing on the J Crew package that arrived in the mail today: the cafe capris in silk foulard.

Oh remember them?  Marie Antoinette and Liberace's bastard love child?

Café capri in silk foulard

Well they are here, and dammit, I loves them.  I love them as only a woman who loves Marie Antoinette, Liberace and watching Lawrence Welk blow bubbles on a Saturday night can love them (yes, I AM that campy).

Don't I look like a realtor here?
When they arrived i was wearing my linen tippi from last summer in henna and darned if that didn't look nice together, so I grabbed an old set of pink balls from Talbots (is it just me or do you think that Liberace might also said that very line at some point in his life?) and pair of shimmery sandals and ran downstairs lickety split to get daughter off the couch (summer job begins week after next) to take my picture.


Another view for those of you who love the plant and can't imagine not having a review without it...


A closeup of the material.  The background is actually a pink.  I was expecting it to be more champagne-like, but then I expect everything to be champagne-like.  You can see the pink in the picture below, which although slightly pinkier than the pants, is in the same colour story.  Am quite proud of self for remembering to look inside and take a picture for you!



But can she make a pretty outfit with it?



Oh yes she can.  It is like the nougat london top was waiting for it to arrive, which makes this outfit the bastard child of meringue kisses, battenburg lace, Liberace and Marie Antoinette.  And you thought living in your head was hard...


And those wisps of blue call out for a little blue on top..


Since some of you have the tendency to go over the top when you dress (oh wait, never mind, I was talking to myself there), it is important to remember that one shouldn't pair sequins here.  Unless you have to and then by all means, go for it.

It also looks divine with yellow and ivory and I bet golds and silver would be grand, too..



I mean honestly, what don't these pants look good with?  I haven't tried white yet, but you just know they will look good with white.

So, they are going to stay.  In fact, I wore them out to a little "do" hosted in my honour by some of my former staff last night.  This is the month that we "retire" Wendy and there are fetes each week, which would be exhausting for some, but since there is food, wine and the odd gift involved, suits me just fine thank you very much!

In honour of these pants, we need a lovely frothy, fruity cocktail.  How about a Ciroc Chic?



Ingredients
U.S.MetricConversion chart
  • 1 1/2 ounce(s) Cîroc Vodka
  • 1 1/2 ounce(s) pomegranate juice
  • 1 ounce(s) pineapple juice
  • 1 slice(s) pineapple, or edible flowers

Directions
  1. Add Cîroc Vodka, pomegranate juice, and pineapple juice.
  2. Shake with ice and strain into a prechilled martini glass.
  3. Garnish with a pineapple slice or edible flowers.

Our edible flower will be a little blue violet, in honour of the pants!! Guess who's making one of these bad boys tonight?  Uh huh - girlie drink for a girlie movie!

So happy Friday and if you are looking for me - you can't miss me.

Stay safe out there!

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Why We Need a Purpose....

Okay - lots about clothes this week, so thought maybe today would be about a little soul-searching...


In my own estimation, I have gone through the most startling of transformations this past 5 months.

Five months ago, I worked 60-80 hours per week each week and worked every single day of the week.

Five months ago, I couldn't sleep through the night - I would always wake up stressed and worried about something, everything.

Five months ago, I felt that I missing my life's purpose, and though the work I was doing was important and rewarding, it did not make my heart sing and did not feel like the reason I was put on this world.

Five months ago, I had buried my dad and was feeling rudderless and empty.  I was turning 50 and what was I going to be when I grew up?


Fast forward five months.  I have left my job.  I have searched my soul and have decided that besides being a mother, a wife and a friend, I need to write.  So now I write 3 to 4 hours a day.  I garden.  I see my friends again.  I eat healthy foods, I walk every day and I meditate.  In December I would have described myself as sad.  Now I would describe myself as a happy person.  Many of you have described how great I look since my NARS makeover in NYC.  I also think it has a lot to do with how I feel inside.  Most days, I feel that I radiate, because I feel so darn content.

Of course, this idyll is short-lived.  Right now, I feel like Wendy in Never Never Land; I know I will eventually have to return to the real world of work.


I will have to make a living again, and ideally that living will be through my writing and other work that I love and not in a 9-9 workplace.  I have decided to chase my dreams and assume that it will all work out in the end.

And I will have to give back.  I am a lucky person - Now that I have time, I need to start volunteering and making a difference in my community and helping others.

We all need a purpose, that thing that makes us feel special and express our uniqueness.  I believe my purpose is to write and be funny and make people happy.  I sometimes wish my purpose was to be a singer like Ella Fitzgerald, a painter like Monet or a tall supermodel and ex-wife of Richard Gere like Cindy Crawford.  But those abilities are not my purpose this time around and I feel very fortunate that you have all helped me on the journey to remembering how much I love to write.  To know your purpose and to actually undertake your purpose is a gift to be cherished.  And our purposes need not be grand, they just need to be the thing that makes our heart sing and feel "right".

So right now, I am enjoying this little break and the joy of reconnecting with my inner and outer worlds.  I do not take that for granted and today, when I was up to my armpits in garden compost, I could have cried with happiness.  I was thinking of a plot point for my book in my head and feeling quite joyful.

And I remind myself to look and be really present.  I see beauty everywhere these days.  Reflected in my outdoor mirror



In the rhubarb patch, that will soon make me very happy when I make my favourite rhubarb cornmeal muffins..



And the light in the trees this evening as I walked about my yard


My break has helped me find peace and make choices that support that peace.  Everything I am doing feels right for a change.  I could not have said that five months ago.  Five months is approximately 150 days, which is not so very long a time, I think, to learn to forgive, forget and forge a new world.

So how about you?  Are you thinking about your purpose these days?  Do you find that your purpose is changing over time?  I would love to hear!

And as an update - the skirt is still Chez moi.  I really, really, like it.  It may need to stay, if for no other reason than xoxo thought I looked like a wedding cake and hey, how cool is that?  You know I love me some cake!!!  I will let you know when I finally make the decision!

So thanks for chiming in and helping me along the way.  I feel that you are as much a part of this co-creation of the new Wendy as I am and all help is greatly accepted!  Stay safe out there!




Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Style Question Wednesday: Do you hem yourself in?

Spring seems to have sailed right by in these parts and gone right to summer; yesterday the temperature hit 80!  Luckily the pool man had fixed the pool heater and Barry was able to take the first dip of the season!  I skipped it today, and likely won't be in for a few days yet - am waiting for my new bathing suit to arrive from Lands End.    This very warm weather won't last around here - it will likely be back to 68 or 70 F during the next couple of days and not hit these kinds of temperatures again until June, but we will take it while it lasts.  We also ate a lovely chicken salad and homemade biscuits outside in our little patio, so that was a treat too!

Well the first of the J Crew boxes arrived today and have begat my question of the day.

If you recall, I ordered the daisy lace skirt, which can be seen here:

Daisy lace mini

Since it was coming anyway, I decided to throw in a pair of little white and gold sandals I have been lusting after, the cyrille studded t-strap in alabaster:

Cyrille studded T-strap sandals


Shall we start with what I know for sure?

Okay - the sandals are a no-go.  But they are just as lovely in real life as they are in the picture above.


And on my unpainted tootsies:


They are very nice, but the strap across the top is very tight and uncomfortable - back they go.  Maybe my feet are getting wider and fatter?

The skirt, i am unsure of.



Immediately out of the bag, it is pretty.  The cotton is the same kind of waffled cotton as j crew used on last year's porcelain paisley skirt.


The detail of the daisy hem, which is backed by organza:



The inside of the waistband is white grosgrain and the lining is 95% cotton, 5% spandex:


It fits well, because I ordered up a size so that i could pull it down to my belly button as it is only 17 inches long!


Here it is paired with an old J Crew smock and kelly green jackie cardigan.  But here is the question: even with yanking it down, is it too short for me?


What do you think?  I am also worried about a white, dry-clean only skirt: is it a fool's game?  I do like this a lot and it is lovely and it clocks in at a quite reasonable $88 CDN, but would love your thoughts!

Today i started off in a green mood:


By mid-afternoon, I was in short shorts!  I would NEVER wear 3" shorts outside of my backyard, despite having thin legs - it feels a bit indecent to me now, but I could be getting more conservative in my middle age!

The shorts, and the white skirt, got me thinking about hemlines.  I know that the white skirt, pulled down as I have it in the pictures above, is not a micro mini or anything, but I am mindful of propriety and am counting on you all to keep me on the straight and narrow (with a twist mind you, always a twist!!!)

So all opinions most welcome.  How about you?  are you adjusting your hemlines these days?  Stay safe out there!