Ah, the end of the year.
I close 2014 with a somewhat melancholy air: Barry is spending this afternoon at the funeral of a dear friend's wife, who has died way too young at 63. Yesterday, we were at the funeral home and the long lines waiting to see the family were a testament to what a wonderful lady Fran was.
If January 1st is a fresh page waiting for us to write our stories upon, December 31st is the look back, the day to take stock.
The lovely blog Into Mind recently shared a list of 50 questions to help you "reflect, appreciate and get excited for 2015".
I plan to do those questions this afternoon, since this is the perfect time, before the champagne cork is popped and the fun and games begin.
|This is what is awaiting me tonight, likely to be noshed with chocolate and potato chips|
whilst I watch Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin, whom I adore..
On the other end, my lovely friend Jennifer shared her word for 2015, brave, in her blog today.
Isn't that a wonderful word? It implies all kinds of good things and good intentions. I chose BREAKTHROUGH, but to be honest, it was less about work and more about the internal work I have been doing on gratitude, kindness, joy and most all, patience and my desire to find specific and meaningful ways to give back.
I am excited to see how BRAVE manifests itself in Jennifer!
I know many do not like resolutions. I personally do not care for ones that require "fixing" oneself.
Surely we are all tired of beating ourselves up because we are not a size 4 or live in a big house or have cash up the wazoo?
Gandhi said (allegedly!) that we should be the change we want to see in the world.
I feel I have taken steps in that direction. I am blissfully carefree of others' good opinions now since I dropped out of everything.
I have learned that you can only succeed by doing. And doing. And falling on your ass. And doing...
That if you are lucky in this world you have a small group of friends who love you unconditionally and whom you love in return. If you don't have that, than I suggest that step #1 in 2015 is take a risk and reach out to someone you like but don't know really well. Friends cost nothing, not even a cup of coffee and many of my friends I can only talk to via email!
Only by being vulnerable have I succeeded in anything in my life, most of all in the loves of my life, people-wise, work-wise, otherwise.
I also believe that everyone has dreams, of varying size and magnitude, and that to not try for that dream is akin to stuffing yourself back down. And while one of my dreams is to be a published writer, an equally strong dream is to give back, through whatever means I can.
We think so much of grand gestures, grand everythings, but as excited as I was to land a literary agent this year (and she was likely as thrilled in reverse!) I was equally excited to sit at my desk every day and write about the worlds in my heads, writing many words and scenes that will never be seen by anyone but me.
I was excited to have tea with my Mum's best friend for her 90th birthday.
I was thrilled to see my brother and his family and the majestic mountains, but as excited as I was by the mountain goats, I was equally excited by their Boston Terrier, Wilma.
Everyday when I meditate (for a very short period of time and with lots of random thoughts mixed in for great delight) I think "how can I be the best me and how can I help others?" The latter is purely selfish, as I have discovered that by helping others, whether through volunteering, caring, or just giving them a hug, appears to benefit me more than them.
This year I gained 15 pounds. Next year I will likely take it off. (hello menopause, I see you in the corner). I am not beating myself up. In fact, I am telling myself daily how great I am. I have decided to be my own best friend, and frankly, best friends don't tell you you look like crap (unless they're worried you're sick!)
This year I made new friends, and sadly lost some friends.
This year I was excited every day.
And if I can send you one wish on this last day of 2014 it is this: that you are in good health and that you are excited every day. We deserve nothing less from our time here.
That's how I'll honour friends lost. By showing up and by being excited.
Love to you all!!!!